Thursday, October 06, 2005

US Military Perform Successful Total Birth Abortion

Today there was much celebrating as US troops successfully performed another total birth abortion. This maneuver, controversial around the world was lauded by upstanding American citizens as a "step in the right direction."
Anti-choice religious businessman Dr. Marion "Pat" Robertson said, "That's one head that won't be wrapped in a towel!"
Virtue advocate and gambling addict William Bennet said, "If you aborted every Iraqi baby, I could drive around in my limousine a lot longer."
Conservative leader Ralph Reed commended the baby for "making a supreme sacrifice to line the pockets of wealthy Christian Americans."
President Bush lauded it as, " a step in the right direction. However, there are still many more babies, woman and children left before we can bring the painful birth of democracy to Iraq."
Congress people from both parties cheered as "every successful one of these prevents any members of our family from being forced to do a tour of duty in that noble quagmire."
Israel, however, condemned the baby as a potential suicide bomber, saying "it's going to take a lot more of these before we can really feel secure."
However, not every one was rejoicing. Heaven spokesman Jesus H. Christ said, "God condemns this. As you do to the least of me, you do to me as well." He then went on to say tha"God is preparing more hurricanes to hurl at America until they finally get it."


Lily said...

is this from the Onion??

Lew Scannon said...

No, I wrote it myself!