President Bush today accidentally ordered the invasion of Kyrgyzstan after watching an Australian Television comedy bit while drunk and assumed it was the real news. The bit featured an Australian comedian interviewing Texans about whether the US should invade Kyrgyzstan even though they show no threat, with the Texans throwing their support behind the invasion 100%.
"Hey, my approval ratings are in the toilet, the war in Iraq is unwinnable, my latest Supreme Court nominee is totally unqualified, I needed some sort of distraction from the fact that I'm completely incompetent,"said Bush today in a news conference,"I'm a war president, everything I do is based on going to war some where. There's still a small percentage of people who will back what I do, no matter how wrong or unjustified. All I need is my friends in the Corporate media to start the propaganda like they did for Iraq, and we'll have every body waving flags again. 9/11!"
US allies overseas were a bit perplexed by this move, with Israel being the most vociferous."I told them to invade Iran, dammit," Prime Minister Ariel Sharon said, "What is that drunken chimpanzee up to now?" Tony Blair said, "I haven't received any intelligence on Kyrgyzstan yet, but I am sure if they don't have it they can fix some up fairly quickly."
Here at home, Vice-President Dick Cheney had this to say:"Who told him he could do that? There's not a lot of oil up there, and certainly no infrastructure for my Halliburton to rebuild once we blow the place up."
Polls taken over the weekend indicate that the majority of Americans support the impeachment of President Bush as well as Vice president Cheney. "I'm unsure of who is next in the line of succession," said one respondent, "but I hope it's not some Republican under indictment or investigation."