The Global Struggle Advocating Violent Extremism is About to become World War III

The other morning, I woke up to find an interesting story on my home page on my computer. It was a report from the "Hot Zone", inside Iran, where a reporter has been sent to start the propaganda campaign for the planned attack against Iran. The story was about a rock band in Iran, where Western music has been banned. And gosh, wouldn't they be better off if they had the freedom to rock and roll? Just think how much the people of Iran could be better off in a democracy where aspiring musicians could purchase copies of Live Dead and listen to a CD's worth of endless guitar noodling.
Tonight, at the grocery store, the Financial Times had a headline across the front"Iran Pushes Nuclear Issue!" The idea is to get the American people so frightened of a nuclear Iran that they beg the Bush administration to do something.
And of course, it had to be the Financial Times, for our real reasons for attacking Iran are purely financial. Iran plans to start trading it's oil in euros, as opposed to dollars. It's the same reason we attacked Iraq, Saddam started trading his oil for euros only back in November 2000. If one country decides to dump the dollar, others may soon follow suit and all the billions that our leaders have tucked away in their personal accounts won't be worth anything. That's why the Democrats refuse to speak out against the war (except for John Conyers, one of the few Democrats who believes he's in an opposition party. Apparently, he didn't get the memo.), their bank accounts and stock options stand to be crushed when the world decides to dump those worthless pieces of paper the Fed has been printing out at an alarming rate lately.
You see, following WWII, the world pegged it's currency to the dollar, which was backed up by our gold reserves. But in 1971, after all these foreign countries were demanding the US pay them for their dollars in gold, Richard Nixon took the US off the gold standard. Now our currency was to be backed by goods and services produced in this country. Any one see where this is going?
That's right! America doesn't produce any goods these days, at least anything we can offer the world (except maybe Grateful Dead Live CDs) in return for the dollars they have sitting in their reserves. Most of the goods and services we purchase in this country are made overseas, even we don't buy American! So when these countries come a-calling with their dollars, what can we offer them? Oil! The world's oil demands keep increasing, yet the supply is about ready to peak (just like a Deadhead right before Jerry's seventh guitar solo), so who better to have guardianship over the world's remaining supply than those trustworthy guys in the White House? The only way to ensure that the oil is in the right hands (and maybe make a couple billion more for Halliburton in overcharges as well) is to attack Iran. So now we need an excuse, a back up plan in case the nuclear hoax they got cooking turns out to be, well, a hoax, so why not get the people behind the idea of a democracy in Iran, an Amercian type democracy, like the one we put in Iraq, where even if our guy doesn't win, he still gets put in charge of the oil.
Of course, a lot of countries were foolish enough to go ahead and make conracts with Iran. That's okay, the Bush administration never met a contract, treaty, or law they couldn't break. If "Old Europe" wants to deal with the "Axis of Evil", so be it, just remember that when the bombs start falling, Halliburton is first in line. And if it means we're just about to start WWIII, it means thirty years of gainful employment for high school grads too po' to go to college.
Just don't be foolish enough to wonder what this all has to do with 9/11 or the war on terror. None of it ever did.