Thursday, January 12, 2006

The World Belongs To The Non-Believer

Recent events in the Middle east have been raising the hopes of Christians waiting for the rapture, their interpretation of two unrelated verses in the Book of Revelations (Charlie Manson's favorite part), that says when a greater Israel is reborn, Jesus will come from the Heavens, all Christian's souls will be lifted up with him to the Heavens where they will watch the Jews and the Muslims fight it out over the control of the world. It's interesting to note that in the Koran, it's the Muslims who watch from the clouds while the Christians and the Jews fight it out.
Whoever will battle the Jews is irrelevant, what's important to note that whoever it is, both sides will wipe each other out, leaving the earth in the control of the non-believers, who will refuse to pick sides. So, in other words, the world belongs to the non-believers, everybody else is just our guests. So, in that case, we have a few requests of our guests that we hope you will follow in order not to be rude.
  1. Please stop fighting with each other. It's not very becoming and it sets a bad example for your children. Beyond your worship of that invisible guy in the sky, you all have the same rules about how to treat each other, I believe that not killing each other is one of them.
  2. No more strip malls, subdivisions or cell phone towers, They are ugly and we don't want to have to look at them when you guys are gone.
  3. Don't cut down anymore trees. I mean, tree farms are okay, but to cut down a hundred year old tree so you can plant a more conventional looking sapling is wrong. We like hundred year old trees, they're pleasant to look at, especially if they're all gnarly and twisted.
  4. Please don't kill animals for sport. Shooting a deer to help feed your family (or to avoid the steroids in beef) is okay, but to shoot an elephant because you have an inferiority complex is wrong. Seek counseling.
  5. Leave our air alone. It's going to stink bad enough when your carcasses are laying all over the place immediately following the rapture. Not to mention all your sport utility behemoths that will be littering the roads and ditches with the engines still running. May I suggest public transportation? We still have to breathe, even though you won't; show some consideration.
  6. You guys are going soon, don't try to put your people in our government. Just keep watching Pat Robertson and let us deal with reality.
  7. I can't say enough about our water, we need it to drink when all you beer makers and vintners have gone to the great beyond. Please don't drive your petrol leaking wave runners in our fresh water supply, we don't pour our used oil in your holy water.
  8. Don't be greedy. I, mean, it's not like you're going to be taking it with you, right? Why not share it with every one, since some of you are not long for the world anyway?

Let me remind you once again, you are guests on our planet, try to leave it like you found it.


Lily said...

I find it interesting that so many drone about creation and yet have such little reverance and respect for it.

LTN said...

Update: Re: LTN posts, see:

This explains the truncated post template.

Left of Center said...

nice. :) glad I saw your link on Lily's site.
Your points are what I have been "preaching" for quite sometime. The James Watts of this world need to be kept out of policy positions.

Wadena said...

Wow, this was really good. I've got SO much reading to do to catch up on all these good blogs.

I especially liked #6.