Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Chuck Norris, All-American

Remember those Chuck Norris Facts that were so funny (to people who considered Walker, Texas Ranger to be good entertainment) a few years back? Nobody took them seriously, because, they were so outrageous, everyone knew they were a joke.
There was someone who did take them seriously, it would appear. None other than Chuck Norris himself, who on Glenn Beck's radio show suggested he would run for president of Texas because Texas was never formally a part of the United States in the first place and that if rebellion is to come through secession Texas would lead the way. Hey, I'd be happy to cut Texas loose, especially eight years ago. Norris also claims there are thousands of right wing sleeper cells (I'd love to hear him lisp that phrase) that are armed and ready for a second American revolution. Sounds like a bunch of terrorists to me.
Norris also claims that "we've bastardized the First Amendment, reinterpreted America's religious history and secularized our society until we ooze skepticism and circumvent religion on every level of public and private life." So, to counter that, you would circumvent democracy so that you and a bunch of Jesus tards can impose your imbecilic views on people with a brain? This is all we need a now, a bunch of armed juiced up mongoloids helping the world's worst movie star grasp on to what little bit of the spotlight left shining on him to forward his own warped reactionary agenda.
Norris even goes one step further and suggests that our military refuse the commander-in-chief's orders. Sounds a bit treasonous, but do you suspect that when and if Obama orders our troops home from Iraq, they're going to ignore him? Better just to ignore Chuck Norris and his really, really, bad toupee. And if Chuck Norris was as tough as the jokes made him out to be, four or eight years of a Democratic presidency should be no problem at all.


Tom Harper said...

Hundreds of rightwing sleeper cells? OMG, we need to immediately round up all those terrorists and put them in Gitmo, with no trial or access to a lawyer or visits from family members. Conservatives would be in favor of this.

Wouldn't they?

Snave said...

Heh! LOL Tom!

Jeezo tards indeed.

I have never spent much time in Tejas, I will be there as a touron (part tourist, part moron) during Spring Break. It will be fun to see some of it first hand.

Even if I turn out liking it there, I would also be happy to see it secede from the Union. Chuck and all the Seed of Chuck are welcome to have their own little totalitarian religious kingdom. Maybe some of the rest of rest of the country's fanatics would move there.

We would want to be sure and set up the borders so that people could go in there but they couldn't come back out.

Good to ignore Chuck and his really, really bad toupee... and his really, really bad politics.

libhom said...

He sounds desperate for attention.

C Woods said...

Bye-Bye, Texas, and good riddance to both you and President Norris. Although I have have several friends and relatives living there ---and I hope they get out in time ---I won't miss Texas at all. The only thing I've ever missed that was part of Texas is the late Molly Ivins. You can read many of her great articles here:

This is what she foretold in July 2006:
"It seems to me that we've seen enough evidence over the years that the capitalist system is not going to be destroyed by an outside challenger like communism -- it will be destroyed by its own internal greed. Greed is the greatest danger as we develop an increasingly winner-take-all system. And voices like The Wall Street Journal's editorial page encourage this mentality by insisting that any form of regulation is bad. But for whom?"