Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Let's Fetishize Christmas!

I can imagine it must be confusing for most Americans this time of year. On the one hand, you want to decorate your yard with the tackiest kitsch you can find. On the other hand, you don't want to let your guard down in your love for America, lest the terrorists catch us unaware. Still yet, you want to show your support for the troops so much that you're happy they're spending the holidays away from their family mired down in an endless pointless war with no exit strategy.
Well, forget about all that "Peace on Earth, Goodwill To Men" crap, it doesn't apply to indigenous brown people anyway, and stick the above "Soldier Santa" in your front yard, because nothing lets you say everything you need to say more than an eight foot tall light-up inflatable Santa dressed in desert camo fatigues. See you dirty heathenistic Ramadan lovin' terrorists. We're going to win because we got Satan Santa on our side. He sees you when you're sleeping and he knows when you're awake, (but just like God, he can't really stop you from strapping yourself with explosives and blowing us up)and he knows when you've been bad or a slave to the capitalistic system (good).
And you can sleep better at night knowing that you did your durndest to keep America safe on this the Holiest of nights, right after the Fourth of July.
Father Christmas-The Kinks


Tom Harper said...

Cool. I've gotta get me one of them Soldier Santas for our yard. What better way to celebrate Jesus' birthday, support our troops and show utter contempt for those sinners who worship the wrong god.

Snave said...


Work and kid issues have been so stressful for me the last few months, I just don't have the energy or interest in decorating the front porch, getting the tree set up, etc. But the kids will be home in about a week, and I suppose tomorrow or Sunday I will do the job of getting the place ready for when they are here.

And I think one way to make the place much more entertaining for them, seeing as how they are both flaming liberals (bless their hearts! That's one thing I must have done right as a parent!) would be to get some of the stuff like in the picture you posted.

Except that I wouldn't have a sign up about "morans" because I know several people in this town by the last name of Moran! Heh!