Friday, October 20, 2006

Borderline Sacrilege

Normally, I don't pay attention to the annoying Kidz Bop series of recordings of shitty pop songs rendered unlistenable by a chorus of warbling children, because what do I care if they ruin bad songs by the likes of Creed or Kelly Clarkson, it's all crap anyway. Now, however, they have deigned it upon themselves to destroy the music of one of the greatest rock and roll bands ever.
Yes, those wonderful folks at Kidz Bop have decided to make a whole CD of the Kidz Bop Kids singing Ramones songs. I can understand why, as the Ramones primitive melodies and basic two and three chord songs are perfectly suited for younger listeners. My youngest son loves the Ramones, and when he was four, refused to cut his hair because he wanted to be Joey Ramone.But the difference is, when Joey sang, the lyrics were somewhat unintelligible, so a song like "Beat On The Brat" sounded to my son like "Pizza On The Front". Now of course, they would have to change the lyrics considerably, which is akin to changing passages in the Bible.
It would be hard to imagine them recording a song such as "53rd and 3rd", a song about a famous chickemhawk corner in NYC where older men could buy the services of younger men, and it's story of one such chicken who, after servicing a trick, kills him with a razor blade to prove he's not gay. And while it was somewhat ironic to have a six foot Jewish freakazoid from Queens sing, in "Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World", I'm a Nazi schnatzi/ and I fight for the Fatherland, it would be totally wrong to have the Kidz Bop Kids sing that phrase, let alone get the glory like Charles Manson as Joey does in "Glad To See You Go".The less said about songs like "Chinese Rock" or "Wart Hog ( I feel so bad/I can't sit still/just took some dope/and I feel ill)the better.
The Ramones music is all over nowadays, songs like "Blitzkrieg Bop" are used in commercials for Vonage and Diet Pepsi, while movie trailers for RV and School For Scoundrels have used Ramones songs "My Brain Is Hanging Upside Down" and "I Wanna Be Sedated" respectively. It's just too bad none of the Ramones are around to enjoy this upsurge in their popularity, Joey having died from lymphoma five years ago, Dee Dee dying from a drug overdose shortly after, and Johnny dying from prostrate cancer two years ago.
My problem is the fact that even to record the milder songs in the Ramone oeuvre that the Kidz Bop people are covering will require extensive lyrical changes. Are they really going to sing "The KKK Took My Baby Away"? Or will they change that to something else? "Suzy Is A Headbanger"? What about "Blitzkrieg Bop"? When the original was used in Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius, the offending line "shoot 'em in the back now" was edited out. Is that what the Kidz Bop Kids will do? They will also be recording "Rock And Roll High School". Hmmm. I don't care about history/that's not where I want to be/ I just want to have some kicks/I just want to get some chicks........I hate the teacher/and the principal/don't want to be taught/ to be no fool, I really can't see those staying. And then there's "I Wanna Be Sedated", which they also will record, but I can't imagine (well, I could imagine, but shudder to think) how they would change that song.
What's next? Kidz Bop Sings The Sex Pistols?


GraemeAnfinson said...

jesus fucking christ. That name is a little weird too. Kidz Bop? I bet Mark Foley has all the albums

Worried said...

Lew, I cannot comment on this post as I am (blush) unfamiliar with the groups mentioned. Chalk it up to advanced age.

Off subject: I am trying to access two of your posts from March 2006 but your present archive list goes back only to May 2006.
I am searching for "Bush's Brazen Blasphemy" 3/19/06 and for "Pot Calls the Kettle Black" 3/17/06/. I would like to re-read these posts and perhaps quote from them (with proper credit, ofcourse). I would appreciate a link to them. Thank you.

Rex Kramer, Danger Seeker said...

Sitting here in Queens
Eating re-fried beans
We're in all the magazines
Gulping down thorazine

We ain't got no friends
Our troubles never end
No Christmas cards to send
Daddy likes men!

Does it make me a bad person that I REALLY want to hear a 8 year-old Brittney-wannabe sing this?

Lew Scannon said...

Bush's Brazen Blasphemy
Pot Calls The Kettle Black
He keeps them next to his NKOTB, NSYNC and Backstreet Boys CDs
No, it wouldn't.

Betty Cracker said...

Oh man. When my now 8-year-old was three, she once confounded her father by running around the house singing "Pol Pot! Pol Pot! Pol Pot!" I had to explain to The Man that sometimes when his jazz-loving self is outta the house, I like to blast the Dead Kennedys at top volume, which the kid also enjoys. "I Wanna Be Sedated" is also a fave. Kidz Bop is an abomination before the lord.

DivaJood said...

Okay, this is beyond sacralidge.

When my son visited me last December, we went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetary just so we could take his photo by Johnny Ramone's grave - and I know I'm a grandmother, but they were a great band. Who let Kidz Bop out of the jar, anyway?

Frederick said...

CBGB moves to Lost Vegas, and now this. I'm getting the canned goods and heading to the bunker...

sumo said...

I wasn't a Ramone fan...the kidz bop seems so unnecessary.