Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Things That Need To Go The Way Of 2008 When 2009 Arrives

As 2008 merrily winds it's way down into history, there are a few trends that I think it should take with it when it departs. Some are boring, some are trite, and some should have never existed in the first place
For instance, Pin's "Sober" video (no, I'm not going to post it) has trend number one-young women making out with each other (in the video's case, Pink actually makes out with herself!). For a number of years now, hot young starlets have been able to get publicity by sticking their tongues down another female throat I'm sorry, but that whole girl-on-girl thing is played, so unless you're going to take it to the next level and go all Maria Ford, don't even bother. That kind of stuff may be shocking to drunk mothers who have sex with strangers in sport stadium men's rooms, but I've seen it and it doesn't do anything for me.
Of course, the hole drunken mom thing started me thinking that I might actually get laid more if I went out drinking more often. Unfortunately, all the bars within walking distance from here are sports bars, which is another trend that needs to die. These places are like Chuck E Cheese's for grown ups, or people who should have chronologically grown up but still cling to their hopes that something sports related may happen to them. Sports jerseys and backward baseball caps were something I was kind of hoping we could leave back in the old millennium. Alcohol is mind numbing enough, eight large screen high def television sets blasting out every available sport simultaneously while some sports nerd rattles off stats that only he's proud he knows is probably the number one cause of brain death in America.
Speaking of sports, another thing that is pointless are the post game interviews of losing coaches. They all spew the same inane cliches, why do we need to hear them say them? No coach is going to say his team sucked, they screwed up, the other team cheated, and there'll be Hell to pay in the locker room, don't waste my time.
Finally, the last thing that I think that should go the way of variety shows (and never be revived is the lazy writer's answer to everything: lists. Magazines, television, and even here on the intertubes, if you want fill up space with little effort, just make yourself a list. From the 20 stupidest GI Joe Vehicles Ever to the Classic Ten: All-time Greatest Anti-heroes to this list, they are all as pointless and played out as George W Bush. At least with him, we know that he will go away.

1 comment:

Snave said...

Good ideas there, Lew.

The backward baseball caps on anyone over about the age of 21 definitely need to be gone.

Being a sports geek, I used to not mind having to mentally multi-task with all the TV screens going at once, but I so rarely set foot in bars anymore that when I do go to such a place it is too daunting. We have two sports bars here where I live, one about 5 blocks from my house and the other about a mile and a half away. The former is a decent-enough place populated mainly with college kids of drinking age (so at age 51 I feel mildly out of place in there), while the latter is kind of a boobs-and-bikers place where if you look or act too much like you have an education beyond high school you just might get the shit beaten out of you.

There is another place here that is more friendly re. what I look for in a place to have a drink, beer, or dinner. A nice old bar, kind of a larger-city feel to the place... but a lot of the clientele are the kind of people who probably don't watch any TV other than what they get with their antenna, and then only watch PBS... there is a TV in there, but the only time it's ever on is like during the World Series or NBA playoffs if the Blazers are in it. But you know, that's fine with me. It makes it easier to sit and talk to people. Our band plays in that place once in a while, and we are always well-received there.

I do like the Chuck E Cheese anaology (I always refer to that place as "Junk E Jeezus" because they serve junk to eat and Chuck E is like the messiah to so many kids who go there. Glad my kids got out of that phase more than a decade ago!!)

As for knowing George W. Bush will go away, I will still believe that when I see it. But the president-elect gives me lots of hope, I like how he is doing things so far. My Bush-gone-soon relief is still just partial. If I wake up on January 21 and Robert Siegal or Mechelle Norris or whoever on NPR tells me Obama took the oath of office and is now president, my relief will be more close to complete.

Hope you're having a good weekend and getting lots of Lego time!!!