I was working on a catering last night, a leadership meeting for an international company, with over 800 guests. There were tables set up reflecting the food and spirits of each country represented, Germany, Hong Kong, Italy, France and Australia. The table I was supervising was the Paris table ( no, not that Paris) where we were serving beef bourquiqnnone, with baguettes and eclairs, along with some French wine. I was joking with the guests, trying out my best French accent when a real Frenchman came over to our station. I offered up some beef bourquiqnonne, to which he just laughed and sneered, then I offered him a bagguette, and he said no, so I pointed out the eclairs.
The eclairs we had were prepackaged machine made pastry puffs. he went over and grabbed one, (after a glass of wine, it was good wine) and came back over with the eclair.
"Thees ees not an eclair," he said, then indicated with his hands the size and shape of a real eclair.
"What can I say?" I offered back "We're Americans, we wreck everything," to which he laughed and nodded his head then wandered off to another part of the hall where the party was being hosted at.
That's right. Americans wreck everything, from remaking great foreign movies badly to destroying whole nations, if there's a way it can be fucked up, an American will find it. Look at how badly we screwed up this once mighty nation.
Take for instance this new packaging for bananas being test marketed by Chiquita. I've never had a problem with bananas going bad in my place, because once they start to turn, I find a use for them, like throwing them in some pancake batter to feed the kids as a way to make breakfast a little more healthy (sort of like when your mom put sauerkraut in your brownines as a way to get you to eat something healthy). But the Chiquita Fresh and Ready Bananas let you buy two packs of three, open one pack and keep the next pack fresh until next week. Another thought is you could just buy three for this week and then buy three more next week, or am I making too much sense?
Leave it to corporate America to find a way to take a perfectly packaged product and place it in plastic and polystyrene. Old bananas came in a natural biodegradeable package you could throw in a land fill or a compost heap and be ecologically sound. Now, some marketing genius has found a way to increase the nation's trash output even more in the name of convenience. I'm sure whoever he is, he's sleeping well, next to his trophy wife after downing a double dose of Lunestra, dreaming of the bonus he'll be getting when this idea catches on with millions of American housefrau.
To me, this proves without a doubt that there is no supreme being, for if he was, he'd be giving some fatal disease to all those at Chiquita who thought they could improve on his original design. I know that all these corporations have whole departments of people who pull in six figures and have the need to justify keeping themselves on while laying off and outsourcing the real work force, and so ideas like this are born.
In the meantime,an effort to find a cure for cancer goes waiting. No one's doing anything about alternate fuels, or global warming. But we found a way to package fruit that already came packaged naturally. No wonder the rest of the world hates us. We wreck everything.