Thursday, July 03, 2008

We're Number One! We're Number One!

After falling behind so many other nations in everything we used to lead, America is leading the rest of the world in one department, I mean, aside from the invading countries to steal their oil department.
According to the WHO, (the UN Organization, not the rock band)the US leads the world in substance abuse. Woo-hoo! Let's all raise a glass of Budweiser and drink to that!
Researchers say countries with looser drug laws have lower rates of abuse, but how else would we lock up our poor, our indigent, and our black people? I blame it on television which, when it isn't glamorizing drinking, or touting the latest pharmaceutical miracle cure to ask your doctor about, is putting on anti-drug commercials so lame, they actually "increase pro-drug attitudes in teens".
So the next time you're heading for the local hideout to quaff a few brewskis, do the patriotic thing and hoist a couple more, and keep America leading the world in something!

8 comments:

Agi said...

I'll be raising my Stella instead.

MARK said...

I think that people learn to love "drugs' in thier teens, and even earlier. My job does not allow me to use marijuana, but it is without question my favorite relaxation tool, even though I can't use it. I'm really good at what I do for the government, and it would be unfair for me not to mention pot as a positive in being able to help break through to my target market.

Kvatch said...

A martini for me, and I guess I can take Dorothy Parker's advice on one being too few and three...too many.

Tom Harper said...

This is good news. Every country needs to be good at something, and now America has found its niche.

I'll join Kvatch in a martini. In fact I'll have several of them; not because I enjoy drinking or anything like that, but I just want to help America retain her Number One status.

Graeme said...

i thought we were family friendly?

Kathy said...

So we're losing the war on drugs too? Why am I not surprised. We have a bunch of incompetents running the country.

Dusty said...

Well, that's a trip ain't it?

We need to legalize cannabis. I am tired of saying it. More people in jail for that 'drug' than anything else.

Snave said...

What Dusty said.

I know from personal experience that all of that anti-drug information I got around the time of 8th grade ended up leading to all the experimentation I did. Heck, reading about all the ways the drugs made you feel physically and mentally caused me to want to experience those things out of sheer curiousity.

So, let's just keep the drug war going, with all it's anti-drug messages for kids. Keeping the information about the drugs prominent will keep making more kids curious, so we will definitely stay #1 in that area.

Our country has so many taboos, so many things for kids to be curious about, stuff "you shouldn't do!" Sex, drugs, alcohol, and rock and roll. Where is this message coming from? From puritans, maybe? Ya think? 8-)>