Got The Latest Thing?

Have you got the latest thing? It's the greatest thing and be the first on your block to get one before it gets passe' and all your neighbors sell theirs at a garage sale next summer because it was replaced by a newer improved thing.
We all need these things and what self-respecting American would be with out one? How does it feel to be the only American not driving around talking on your cell phone? While the rest are driving around engrossed in some deep conversation about the latest development in the Michael Jackson case, you have to sit there and just drive. Cel phones are cheaper than ever these days, why don't you have one yet? Now you can send pictures too!
When you were a kid, you had to have the latest toy, because they made it appear so wonderful in advertising that you would just die if you didn't get one. Your parents didn't understand that and now you've grown up and you have to have it all. And why not? What's wrong with driving around in a Hummer? Bad ass boy have bad ass toys as the bumper sticker says. Of course, if you're driving around in a vehicle that costs $60,000 and you still call yourself a boy, here's a clue: GROW UP! Be a man! Men don't play with toys, children do. Men are not judged by their possesions, they're judged by their character. Which is the problem with this country. Too many grown up males are afraid to be men. Being a man means you're old and being old is not for you if you're young at heart.
So go out and buy a fuel leaking water polluting wave runner. You're no tree hugger. Besides, President Gasman just conquered Iraq, so we'll have plenty of cheap oil, for at least fifty years and then you really be old and won't have the desire to play with your toys any more, which is okay because there won't be any oil left then anyway.
It's like P T Barnum said, there's a sucker born every minute, so join the club and get the latest thing before your neighbor does, or worse yet, when they become obsolete.