One Way Or Another

They're gonna find ya. Gonna getcha getcha getcha! And by them, I mean of course, those durned Islamofascists who hate us not for the collateral damage piling up in their homeland, but because we are as free to be as stupid as Team Jake.
Or Team Edward.
The point is, every day, they're cooking new ways to overthrow this great "Christian" nation. First, and I realize that many of both my readers are well aware of this, but Texas Republican Representative Louis Gohmert thinks that the Islamofascists are hatching a plot to have terrorist babies in the US, where, thanks to the 14th amendment, they will be US citizens, then they come back in 25 years, after extensive training in an Al qaeda camp conveniently located in the country Israel the US wants to invade next.
Not to be outdone in the crazy department, Sue Myrick, a Republican from Nutty Cuckoosays Iranians are teaming up with Venezuela to infiltrate our borders. Spending six months in Caraccas to learn Spanish, then it's across the border to "do us harm".
Well, that should could and would be the end of it, but no. Now there's talk of the Taliban training jihadist monkeys! That's right! Cute little macacas given an AK-47 and trained how to discern and shoot only American soldiers (because, you know, monkeys are just that smart). We all see monkeys on television. And except for that episode of Gilligan's Island where one got hold of some abandoned Japanese armaments and started attacking the castaways, they are all pretty cute. Not really, but from a distance.
So you might as well surrender now, Dorothy, because those Islamofascists hate our freedoms and want to take them from us anyway possible, no matter how crazy it may sound. Really.

A Tale Of Two Defectors

Defector 1: Reza Kahlili, a Iranian revolutionary Guard defector who went to work for the CIA following the revolution of 1979 says that Tehran will attack Israel. Speaking at a conference at The Washington Institute For Near East Policy, Mr Khalili (not his real name) has stated that Iran will unleash the largest suicide bombing mission ever! Of course, since Israel has nuclear weapons while Tehran doesn't, it will most certainly be a suicide mission, conveniently timed for the propaganda run up for the US/Israel attack against Iran, later this year.
Defector 2:Shahram Amiri is a top Iranian nuclear scientist. He went missing a year ago on a pilgrimage to Medina, a city in Saudi Arabia. The Iranian government claims he was kidnapped, the US denied that claim.
Well, fast forward a year later, and Mr. Amiri (his real name) has turned up in the Iranian interest section of the Pakistani embassy in Washington DC. Mr. Amiri has claimed he was kidnapped and held against his will where he was "under enormous psychological pressure and supervision of armed agents in the past 14 months".
Hmmm. Mr. Amiri then goes on to state that "I was not prepared to betray my country under any kind of threats or bribery by the US government."
So, in other words, the US government, desperate to start a war against a country that is not a threat to anyone (unlike, say, the US), kidnaps a top Iranian nuclear scientist, using various means of coercion tries to get him to betray his country (possibly by stating lies about Iran's nuclear power program). Then the man escapes, posts an interview on YouTube stating he is a prisoner, which is then countered by another YouTube video of someone resembling Amiri saying he is fine and every body should just go back to buying things and disregard the previous video. Now it turns out the first video is right, and all Mr. Amiri wishes is that he just be allowed to return back to his country.
So there you have it. A defector who (most likely) was coerced (or bribed) into telling the chickenhawk war mongers what they needed to hear, and a kidnapping victim that was tried to be passed off as a defector in order to lie to sell ANOTHER war to the American television watcher.

We Need More Retards Like This In Washington DC

Another sign that our country is quickly devolving into an Idiocracy is the claim made by California senatorial candidate Chuck Devore that Jack Bauer would support him.
Them conservatives sure do love themselves some 24: Seasons 1-7 . Never mind that Devore is seeking the nomination from the Tea Party wing of the GOP, which has among it's Contract From America that the constitutionality of every law be indentified, while Jack Bauer's disregard for things like Miranda rights and penchant for torture make him probably the most unconstitutional character ever depicted on television. Forget the fact the 24 was canceled due to sagging ratings, meaning it's popularity among voters is not worth embarrassing yourself by claiming an endorsement from a fictional character from that show. No, the question is, how can you rail against big government while bestowing upon yourself an endorsement from a fictional character who works for a monolithic government bureaucracy?

Where The Men Are Men, And The Animals Are Nervous

So, Florida, the Sunshine State, has, once again, failed to to pass a law banning bestiality, or, sex with animals. That means that in Florida, dogs, sheep, cow, goats and other animals, willing participants or not, are fair game for any person who finds it necessary to do so. This explains why the Florida legislature passed the Defense of Marriage Act, if it's perfectly legal to fuck a sheep, it wouldn't be too long before you wanted to marry it.